Archive for July 27th, 2011
I’m up to my occasionally (but not currently, thank goodness) herniated cervical disc in work stuffs and things that need written (3-way Thursday is tomorrow, you know) that I sadly, have little time to devote to rambling incoherently on a topic such as “Why I don’t like garden beetles” today.
Wow, that was a long sentence.
Anyway, rather than give you proper nonsense, I give you instead, Things We Learned Today.
- If you write a post about laundry yet give it a title that hints you might be revealing something personal and potentially salacious, your blog will get twice it’s usual traffic. Such a revelation could lead to suggestive post titles in the future that are unrelated to the words used within. What? You thought I was above that sort of thing? Look, if you find yourself disappointed because you always considered me a high road-taking kind of guy, I’d like to point out that yesterday I reference wearing ducky pajamas. Clearly, the high road is not what you get here.
- In the midst of this debt ceiling nonsense, the Tea Party has decided that they guy they picked to lead the circus, Ohio’s own John Boehner—one assumes because he was reminiscent of clowns, being conveniently orange—needs to be replaced. When I first read the headline for that article, I hoped that the TP’ers had finally decided that maybe their scheme of driving the whole train off the old, washed-out bridge spanning Dead Man’s Canyon in order to protect that same train for, you know, the grandchildren, wasn’t the best option. Apparently that’s not the case, though; they feel he’s just not getting the job done. Sure, he’s steadfastly refused to compromise on much of anything with the other side of the aisle and has stuck to his guns on a wacky budget plan (that doesn’t even reduce spending as much as his rival’s). But those things are simply not hardcorez enough, and they want to give him the hook, even with the threat of a downgrade on US debt looming. Seems Engineer Boehner has been eyeing the train’s emergency brake and for the TPs, that just won’t do. Look, I’m all for cutting expenses, I believe in balancing the budget, and I’m not a big fan of entitlements. But risking another recession, or worse, to force radical policy changes this week for which public support is, at best, questionable, is simply unconscionable. Could we please get the inmates back to the asylum? Thanks.
- The two parties that make up the NFL have finished whining about how awful and greedy the other side is, not surprisingly just in time to play all their games this year. So I suppose now both parties would like us to continue shelling out mad phat cash since that they’ve figured out an agreeable way to divide it. Good for them. I imagine many families were concerned they’d have to keep their money under the bed this season. Thankfully, that won’t be necessary.
- Speaking of having football back, now that the labor “unrest” is over, apparently the Bengals have decided to admit what everyone else has known for months: Carson Palmer took his football and went home. And he’s not ever, ever coming back. Instead, it appears the Bengals have signed Bruce Gradkowski to take a beating for a few years until the new kid, Andy Dalton, is ready to step into the meat grinder full-time. Welcome to Cincinnati, guys. We’ll love you until you realize what a mess you’re in and get that glazed-over look in your eye, which means you’ve officially become Bengalized.
Hey, look at that. It turns out we also learned that I have opinions today. Who would have guessed that was coming?