The journey of self-improvement, starting right, uh, tomorrow

It’s Monday, and if that wasn’t enough to frighten most of you away, it’s the first working Monday of the New Year.  Clearly, that’s typically enough to terrify just about anyone. The Monday thing doesn’t get me too much, but then I’ve got a strict policy of not getting blah-ed up about a day just because it starts with the letters M-O-N.  Admittedly, though, those do seem to be the days that more frequently begin with a groan and a general case of grogginess that refuses to relent until 24 ounces of jet-black iced espresso have been consumed.

That said, today does hold some special significance, even for me.  Because I’m a very special, creatively procrastinate person,  I’m capable of rationalizing all sorts of odd behaviors.  And that includes when exactly all those personal pledges for self-improvement made on New Year’s go into effect.  I suppose lots of people are right at it on Jan 2.

Fools.

The first week of the year of fraught with peril. There’s still plenty of holiday stuff in the air and typically at least a day off work involved. And yet you’re still going to dive right into self-improvement on a Wednesday or Thursday, with a weekend just around the corner?  Sounds like a recipe for failure right out of the gate, if you ask me.  Surely you don’t have to be a professional procrastinator like I am to know that failing is always something better done later.

Thus, I never truly commit to firing the ole’ starter’s pistol on my New Year’s resolutions until the first full work-week of the new year.  That way I get a few days to let the basic ideas sink in and formulate a plan.  Sure, the jumping-in-the-pool method can work too, but might instead lead to that Clark Griswold moment where you’re screaming like a school girl about the cold water in front of a naked Christie Brinkley. 

And I think we can all agree that no one wants that.

(Yeah, that’s right, I just referenced National Lampoon’s Vacation in an effort to rationalize procrastination.  I know, it’s a gift.)

Sadly, even procrastination can’t last forever.  Because then it becomes avoidance, denial, or refusal, and I’m not that guy, no matter what your mother said about me.  The time, then, to start working on those resolutions hits on the first full week of the new year.

Oh, hey, look, that starts today.

*looks around*

*grumbles*

*looks at watch*

Well, this was stupid.  Who decided that eating healthier and moderating the beer consumption was a good idea, anyway? I’m going to have to rethink this whole plan over a couple dozen chicken wings and a few tall IPAs.

I can always start – for really real – next week, right?

Right?

*sigh*

Pud’n