A movie in 100 words: Apocalypse Now

No, I don’t watch a movie every weekend, but I did manage to eek out enough time last Friday for another screening.  Unfortunately, Netflix has yet to see fit to bestow Underworld: Awakening upon me.

Sad vampire/werewolf-less Puddin is sad.

Luckily, though, I thought, then, that this would be an excellent time to redress a serious and notable absence in my movie-viewing history. I’d recently put Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam War epic, Apocalypse Now at the top of my queue, and you know what they say, “if you can’t watch the campy vampire movie you love, love the war movie you’re with”.


Anyway. Yes, yes. I know, I know.  There’s really no plausible excuse for having reach 39 years of age and not having seen this already.  Hell, it one of Those Movies You’re Supposed to See.  And I’ve got a pretty solid record of seeing Those Movies You’re Supposed to See.

Just don’t hold it against me, eh?

Oddly enough, having seen it now, I’m happy to concede that I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing it and not felt a terrible, cold emptiness eating away at me.

Apocalypse Now – I understand why people fawn all over this one and I believe there’s an interesting movie hidden somewhere inside Coppola’s work, like the toy in a box of Trix.  But, well, I’ll be damned if I found it.  Sure, it succeeded in portraying the insanity and hopelessness of war—especially in Vietnam—and explored darkness in the human soul, but does that need to take three hours?  Worse, I just never become invested in any of the characters. Ultimately, it felt like watching a stranger’s vacation slides from a nude beach.  That is, I was mostly bored and slightly uncomfortable.

I guess if you have three hours of your life to waste and enjoy being either bored, slightly uncomfortable, or both, this is the movie for you.  But I don’t think I’ll be seeing this on again.

No matter what the smell of napalm in the morning smells like.