Archive for category Family
Wow, by the way I put that exclamation point there, you’d think I was excited about it or something. As if it meant I was getting some kind of summer vacation.
Yes, well, I’m not. Summer break for me means little more than I’ll find myself wondering why there are children still underfoot past the usual bedtimes. Because, see, they’re allowed to stay up a wee bit later in the summer, so long as they’re behaving.
As much as I like to complain, though, summer is even harder for the Puddinette, who now gets to entertain four children seven days a week. Children, by the way, who will almost certainly spend the entirety of their summer vacation theoretically “bored.” Oh sure, they’ll have some fun for a while. But, you know, that’s gonna last about an hour and a half. The “bored” section of our programming will set in quickly after that. In fact, I’m guessing it hit roughly 10:30 this morning.
But, you know, I think I wrote all I needed to say about the end of the school year and the start of summer in this post, roughly a year ago. You should go read that. Why? Because it includes fancy, awful images drawn by yours truly, such as the one below. Enjoy!
Welcome to summer break, I hope we all survive it!
I wrote a Debate post last year for Mother’s Day, back when the “Weekend Debate” was still the “Saturday Debate”. What you should takeaway from that is that last May, I was fool hearty enough to think believe could squeeze a discussion topic post out every Saturday afternoon. Clearly, this was before I realized my weekends often make the President’s daily agenda look simple. And he’s got an entire staff to keep him on track.
In fact, I think I’m going to start referring to the Puddintopia writing area as the East Wing. Because, why not?
Ten years ago, I generally thought it was cool when the time rolled around to get a new pair of glasses and update the ol’ vision prescription. In my case, I’ve been rumbling steadily down the road of deteriorating myopia since, um, third grade, which means new specs or contacts every couple years have been the name of the game.
What’s not to love about get new glasses? Few things can so fundamentally change the way people see your face as a new set of specs. And while I tend to wear my contacts more—because I have the light-sensitivity of a garden mole meaning Yay! Sunglasses!—I honestly think I like better with my glasses on. You know, more studious and less confused middle-aged beer drinker.
In case you’re curious, the script for my peepers at the moment puts me at –6, which is bad. To put that in perspective for you, without correction, I couldn’t tell the difference between my mobile phone and a ripe avocado sitting side by side on my desk, a mere 24 inches from my face.
Which is unfortunate, because avocados get worse reception than AT&T.
I’ve had too much on my mind all day today to produce a post that isn’t total, incessant, rambling drivel, although how that would differ from a typical post isn’t, um, completely clear. You know what? Quit asking so many questions. What is this, the Spanish Inquision? I don’t have to answer to you. I want my phone call.
Anyway, I spent all day at work trying to track down a memory leak (no, I’m not going senile; it’s something you get in software programs) large enough to float that nightmare Carnival cruise ship through. On top of that, I’m mulling a decision that’s been nipping at the back of my mind like a bored puppy for the better part of six months now.
In other words, I’ve used up all my brain today. If I tried to write a real post, it’d look something like:
Yarn, biscuit finger! PLllthalth. Been tango inta WOOP! Poop tangles seen a toad dolphin speak howzit? Ughhhhhh. *sigh* Pbbthlhtlhbbppbpbphtht. Eyewear, you know?
Thus, I give you instead the ultimate in filler blog posting: a haiku about filler blog posts (with a Bonus! Cute! Animal! Pic!)
A post should go here
But today was thinks, not words
Instead, here’s my dog.
Hope you had a great day! Tomorrow the words will make sense.
Well, or at least more sense.
I don’t know what does it. Perhaps it’s so ingrained in my three-quarters German blood that there’s just no avoiding it for long. Or maybe it was triggered by the knowledge that Bockfest, Cincinnati’s spring festival devoted to the all things Bock, goat, sausage, and, well, German, is currently in full swing just a few miles north of my house. Maybe it’s just because I’m a glutton for punishment. Whatever does it, it happens at least once a year. I’m overcome with the urge to buy a big sloppy piece of meat and braise it to within an inch of its life in beer, onions, vinegar, and apple cider with a sprinkling of caraway seeds and a luscious, sour heap of sauerkraut.
Yes, I said sauerkraut. Don’t give me that look. Seriously, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to make faces like that or you might get stuck that way? And, yes, it is too good. It’s yummy and tart and crisp and just ever-so-slightly-sweet (they way I make, it is) and…and…and I don’t know, full of vitamins and antioxidants* or unicorn glitter something.
I suppose the title of this post is, among other things, terribly misleading. While I did go on quite the day trip on Thursday, calling it a trip to New York City is about as accurate as saying spring is mostly here. I mean, spring is almost here but that “almost” ignores about a month of calendar time and the fact the central US is either getting or is about to get slammed with some hot winter storm action.
After yesterday’s navel-gazing bonanza of “Wow, Ma! Lookit all the posts I wrote in the past three years!” I got to thinking about the short fiction pieces. Specifically, I realized that while there was a pretty steady sprinkling of that kind of stuff when I first got started and followed into 2011, there otherwise hasn’t been any in the not-quite-two-years following.
Bupkis. Read the rest of this entry »
Many people have regular nightmares.
I tend to sleep like the dead and rarely dream anything I can remember at all. What I do, however, have, are very clear, almost tangible, utterly terrifying memories that accompany the dread words “Science Fair Project”.
These, of course, are my own memories of having to produce something—typically the night before—for the science fair after weeks of procrastinating to even Read the rest of this entry »
It’s early afternoon on January 1, 2013. After another raucous celebration to usher in the next 365 days, people everywhere are a slowly, determinedly getting themselves into motion, while trying very hard to ignore that splitting headache and the fact that vampires have, in fact, been correct about that annoying daylight all this time.
Luckily, I managed to avoid the dreaded New Year’s Hangover myself. I didn’t it the sauce too hard with the kids last night, but maintained myself in a mature, dignified manner. Well, or as mature and dignified as one can be wearing his pjs and a bluish, sparkly hat.
Since we’re all slowly getting started along the path of a whole new calendar, in keeping with tradition, I figured today for a good time to take a quick look back and a somewhat more detailed look ahead. To sort of get our bearings before we stomp off into the uncharted wilds of 2013 like a drunken mountain dwarf with a bad eye.
I probably don’t need to say to much in the way for review, though, of course. Since this is a blog and all, the point of which being to chronicle my daily adventures (or lack thereof), the archives can provide plenty of review of 2012 without much intervention from yours truly. Last year, I learned a pretty important lesson S.C.U.B.A diving for the first time, starting sending out queries for my first novel, Famine, did a piss-poor job of getting started on the next Big Project: a non-fiction book, reconsidered (and revised and revised and revised) my query letter, turned 40-1 years old, learned quite a few things from little league baseball, started the ridiculous Weekend Debate feature around here (which I’ve grown to love), also started the equally ridiculous practice of writing movie reviews in 100 words or less, took a vacation to the beach, had a bad day, decided it was time to start running, learned quite a lot about querying over the course of a few months, decided I want an agent who really does love my work, and spent November writing a second novel as part of NaNoWriMo, and (finally), paid good money to see a Bengals’ game, because I’m a parent, which apparently is equivalent to “sucker”.
Whew, what a year!
Oh, and what was the most visited post of the year? You’ll never guess. Hands down, it was this one, a REPOST of the Green, Tasteless Beer poem I originally wrote and posted in 2011. Since St. Patrick’s Day, it’s gotten more than 10% of this blog’s total number of hits in 2012. Which just goes to show you, you never know what the Hell the internet is going to do.
So, what on tap for 2013? Well, more writing and more querying. In the next month or two I’m going finally start revising my NaNo novel in hopes of having it ready to query come spring. Also, remember that non-fiction book? Yeah, it’s still not done, and it’s blocking me up worse than a four-person dinner at The Melting Pot. That’s got to be finished soon, because I’ve got ideas for two more adult novels that I’d like to write, this year if possible.
I’m also going to extend my experience running in the coming year. On November 2, 2012, I ran 5 kilometers, on purpose, at all once, without stopping to die or suck oxygen like a lineman after running back a fumble. Running has been difficult to get in consistently since NaNo, then the holidays, and now winter arrived in devious succession, but one way or the other, I intend to run a 10k in the spring. And then it’ll be time to seriously start work on the that half marathon.
My feet are going to take quite a betting this year.
My liver, however, is going to get a bit of a reprieve. Now, don’t get silly, I’m not planning to give up the sauce altogether. Where’s the fun in that? I am, however, going to change how I consume it a little bit. See, over the past few years, I’ve been drinking out of these quite a bit:
In case you don’t immediately recognized that, it’s a 22-oz beer glass. I use them frequently because, well, I often find myself cracking open a bottle like this:
No, I don’t mean a Bastard, necessarily, but a 22-oz bomber full of beer. The thing is, though, I really don’t need to be drinking 22 oz of beer at a time. Kind of the same way no one really needs to eat at the Chinese Buffet, and doing so will inevitably lead to shame and self-loathing. Luckily, though, through a happy accident, I just happened to receive a box of brand new glasses for Christmas. To be more specific, 17-oz pilsners. If you ask me, a 16- or 17-oz glass is just about perfect for filling with 12-oz of beer and leaving just the proper space for an inch or two of frothy head. See? So for 2013, I’m going to be drinking from the somewhat more reserved smaller glasses.
And that means no more 22-oz bombers for me, at least not on a regular basis. Bottles of that size should be shared, so unless I plan on sharing, I’m going to leave them right where they are on the shelf.
I fully expect my liver, by midsection, and my head to thank me come Jan 1, 2014.
That’s my look ahead. What are you looking forward to in 2013? You know I’d love to hear it. Oh, and if you happen to be a writer trying to find your way into an agent’s good graces, drop me a line and say, ‘Hello!’ We’re all in this together, I’d like to get to know as many of you as I can.
Happy New Year, my fine readerly folk! Now, get out there, kick some ass and take some names.
As I said on twitter last night, I plan to kill it for the next 365 days. So let’s all crush it, together!