No Fiction Prize (a poem for the 2012 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction)

Oh, readers dear, oh, readers dear
There’ll be no fiction prize this year!

No fiction prize this year at all?

No; we simply could not make the call.

We were not sure about Train Dreams,
perhaps it needed laser beams!

Swamplandia! –it could not win.
A ‘gator theme park? Pretty thin.

The third, you ask? No, The Pale King
will not be snatching that gold ring.

We could not pick a book, you see,
Regardless of your woeful plea!

No winners from our meetings,
Or our many lunchtime eatings!
No prizes here, neither shared nor tied,
We could not so besmirch our pride.

We would not pick a book, OH NO!
So, please, oh please, stop whining so.

We’ll get you next year, we swear, for real.