I saw a billboard on the way to work this morning that startled me completely out of the traditional daze of my morning commute. Up above the expressway, in big shiny letters, someone boldly proclaimed themselves a “Leader in Minimally Invasive Gynecological Surgery”. I was so shocked by the message itself that I completely missed the sponsor of the ad, who clearly either needs a swift kick in the marketing department or a commendation for sheer bravado, I’m not sure which yet.

Seriously, this is a topic that NO one wants or needs to be thinking about on one’s ride to work in the morning. If I’m thinking about anything on my drive to work, it’s typically along the lines of something moderately pleasant and largely unimportant, like how much I might enjoy a sausage and egg biscuit (lots!), how wonderful the idea of the breakfast brownie is (genius!), or whether the Reds have any chance this year of being more than mediocre (hmmm). Occasionally, I might even think about work a little bit, formulate a game plan for the day or something of that ilk, if traffic is slow or I’m awake enough for actual cognitive function.

Regardless, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing either moderately pleasant nor largely unimportant about the subject matter on display before me this morning. Granted, I’m not a lady, and the equipment I’m carrying around varies significantly from that of the opposing gender. As a man, though, I can say with absolutely certainty that there aren’t too many guys in the world that would consider any manner of surgical procedure to that…region…minimally invasive. As far as I’m concerned, if I’m expected to let the sun shine, so to speak, on anatomical parts that would get me a hefty fine from the FCC for even something as simple as an examination, well, you’ve already gone past “minimally invasive”. Beyond that, when someone plans to take a sharp instrument, laser, whatever and start making renovations in the neighborhood, yeah, that’s pretty much 180 degrees from minimal.

As I said above, though, I’m not a women, so I can’t really say that I know what the hell I’m talking about. I suppose you ladies do get more frequent checks into that area, which is the whole reason I guess they’ve got those kinds of doctors anyway. So maybe you’re just more used to it. Still, it can’t be all that much fun. I’ve been waiting to see someone’s facebook status read, “Wooot! Girly Dr. appt this afternoon for the annual check. Can’t wait!.” I suspect I might be waiting for a while.

For the Gyn practices out there looking to aggressively build a patient roster, clearly I understand the need to market your business. But the face of a moderately uncomfortable middle-aged lady floating on a billboard that boasts of some mad skillz with a scapel in a lady’s lady parts is *not* the kid of thing your average American middle class worker really wants to be confronted with during morning rush hour. Perhaps someone could explain target demographics to these people. I’m sure Woman’s Day would be happy to sell you some ad space.

Barring that, could we maybe put this off until I’ve had my first shot of coffee?

pud’n