I probably need that head start now

A friend of mine recent sent out a message on one of society’s obligatory social media conduits explicitly warning everyone within digital earshot that she expects to be “moody” for the rest of the week. I see and interact with this person in the “real” world (the one composed of physical matter and 3 or more dimensions) on an almost daily basis, so the warning was much appreciated. I will tip-toe delicately amongst the eggshells until week’s end in an effort to avoid acidic remarks, retaliatory tongue-lashing, or worse even, the onset of weepiness. I tend to do this on a regular basis anyway, given that I’ve been married nearly 10 years and as an added bonus work in an office environment where 5 of my 6 coworkers are female. If I hadn’t learned to walk the Moodiness Minefield well before now, someone would have found me in some darkened janitorial closet, curled in a fetal position, rocking skittishly and mumbling about how I only asked the lady for a pen, but the lady was the Devil and someone stole his pen.

So, yes, I will keep my eyes cast low for the week in hopes of avoiding the nearly inevitable Outburst of Doom. I have a suggestion though; well, really more a request. Would it be possible for all you ladies to not use the term “moody” in reference to these situations?

Moody is defined as “given to frequent changes of mood; temperamental”. In my experience, though, once someone uses that term, they’re actually suggesting that the mood has already shifted and that the dark clouds have since rolled up from the horizon. If you have a searing ball of hate towards all living things, male especially, you’re no longer moody, you’ve reached ill-humored, or perhaps even sullen. In extreme cases, we could be talking emotional explosiveness, or beyond that, simply homicidal.

Allow me to demonstrate the difference. A few nights ago, the Puddinette and I were looking forward to communing in the family room after the kids’ bedtime for some quality togetherness and the viewing of one of several compromise crime dramas (I would explain, but that’s a totally different post). She even mentioned, as the birds and forest creatures frolicked about her while she whistled gaily during after-dinner cleanup, how much she looked forward to our time together. Moments before bedtime, however, there was…an incident…involving our family room couch, the setting for our evening TV time. It was the kind of incident that just happens in life, where no one is to blame, but, sadly, a repair man is required (hurray, warranty!). After bedtime, strangely, the damned birds and forest creatures seemed to have scattered to the four winds, leaving me to enjoy alone the discussion of how three-year old things shouldn’t break. See, that’s “moody”.

To sum up: if you’re feeling smiley and you suddenly get all irked, congratulations, that’s right, you are moody. If however, you wake up carrying a torch-red rage that burns deep within and requires you to have to forcibly subdue the urge to grab the closest pointed device and begin making with the stabby on passers-by, well, that’s not so much moody. See the difference?

We male members of the human species would greatly appreciate it if you ladies could simply provide a little additional clarification in reference to your given state of mind. That way, if one of us finds his better half truly stricken with the “moody”, we can make the appropriate efforts to turn you back towards the happy forest using the many tools in our arsenal, foot rubs, chocolates, and the like. If not really “moody”, though, but rather more “in a mood”, well, it sure would be nice to have a head start towards a cave somewhere.


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