I have a quick addendum to yesterday’s Eastery hate-fest. I failed to mention that there are a few things I actually do like about Easter. Those include:
- The perfectly peeled and salted hard-boiled egg.
- Reese’s Eggs
- Chewing Gum.
Life is short and fraught with difficulty; truly appreciating it requires the ability to recognize the little things that bring one a fleeting moment of joy. Cracking a hard-cooked egg and peeling the entire shell off as one continuous piece, leaving nothing but a marbling of pastel dye is an exultant moment. Sprinkle with a dash of salt and a smattering of pepper; consume in 2 or 3 wonderfully contrasting bites. It’s a very small pleasure, but exactly the kind of little thing that makes life worthwhile.
Reese’s Eggs need very little explanation. Put simply, they have no confectionary rival. I’ve never found anyone who enjoys the occasional Reese cup that will dispute that the Peanut Butter Easter Egg is the finest achievement ever concocted by the candy alchemists at the H.B. Reese Candy Co. What makes them so wonderful, so much better than any of the other holiday-based derivations that have been created since? I don’t know, exactly. The proportion of peanut butter to chocolate is perfect in the egg, for sure, but beyond that I am content to consider it plain magic. Rumor has it that I’d knock over a convoy of wheelchair-bound seniors or steal from starving orphans to get my greedy mitts on more Reese Eggs. I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations at this time, but I wouldn’t bet on the orphans if I were you.
The chewing gum probably seems one of the stranger things on my list, but I bet my siblings know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not sure where the practice originated, or why, but when we were kids, if we left a quarter out by our Easter baskets, had been extra good throughout Lent, and didn’t complain about the weekly Friday night tuna and noodle casserole, there’d be a small pack of gum on Easter morning. I’ll have to consult with my own childhood Easter Bunny to find out why gum costs $0.25 when the rest of the basket was freely delivered, but I’m guessing it had something to do with the fact that gum ruins carpet and promotes tooth decay. There’s probably a lesson in the value of money in there, too. Whatever the reason, I’m absolutely certain that it wasn’t because my Easter Bunny was cheap. Most the other kids I knew would get some 4-inch hollow bunny with psychotic googly eyes. Not us, no sir; every year we’d get that 7″ solid Russell Stover number. My friends would brag about eating their respective bunny’s heads cleanly in one bite; I’d be lucky to eat the ears off my bunny in a full day. Easter at our house meant having chocolate bunny around to nibble on until school let out for summer.
So, ok, yeah, Easter isn’t all bad. Chocolate is good and eggs can certainly be tasty. I even like jelly beans now that they make them Starburst flavors. I still hate coloring eggs, though. And marshmallow-derived candy is a useless disappointment. But then, I guess that’s what the Easter morning post-church swap meet is all about.