Stupid Sandman shouldn’t be calling me at work

For some reason, I found myself nearly exhausted all day today. It was no more than an hour past dragging my sorry sack of bones out of bed this morning when I noticed the incredible heaviness of my eyelids. Since then, I’ve been fighting off the worst case of unmanageable sleepiness I can ever recall having (except, of course, for the college days that immediately followed an all-nighter). I wasn’t even up late last night. Well, for most people it was late, but falling asleep between 1:00 and 2:00 AM is fairly typical for me, and yesterday was no different.

I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m still rocking some heaving chest congestion; it’s bad enough that people continue to tell me I sound terrible. The unhappy side effect of that, of course, is that when I do sleep I don’t just sound like a road crew, but more like a combination of a road crew and bull moose advertising in the heart of mating season. In other words, it’s not exactly a tranquil environment. I think I even woke myself up a few times last night.

Regardless, I struggled mightily all day to remain focused, and it didn’t seem to matter how much coffee or Mt. Dew I consumed. I picked up some local Chinese carryout for lunch, hoping that a little hot and sour soup would burn my mouth with temperature while some extra spicy Szechuan chicken burned it with chilies, and that the combination would make me uncomfortably alert. No such luck, I’m afraid; by 3:30 this afternoon, I was sitting at my desk, slack-jawed, like a high school senior suffering through Chemistry in the middle of May. Oh, and for the official record: having “the nods” at your own desk, at 37 years old, is just flat embarrassing. It’s not as bad as startling yourself to attention and finding you just typed 3 full lines of “dddddddddddsssssssss”, or waking up with a puddle of drool on your sleeve and desk , but neither is it likely to get you a positive year end review. Luckily, there were no afternoon meetings in the conference room across from my office.

Tonight I’m going to take steps to address this crippling sleepiness. Well, yes, sleep; that will likely help, I imagine. I might even try to get to bed at an unrealistically early hour, like midnight or 12:30 or something. Kinda like normal people do it. On top of that, I figure there’s at least a 50 percent chance that my pathetic drowsiness relates somehow to waking up a human pretzel on our little loveseat in the basement Sunday morning. Somehow I need to prevent this sort of foolishness, so I think I just need to chain myself to the bed or something, to insure that I don’t get up and wonder around half the night when I should be clocking some solid REM sleep.

On the other hand, I suppose I could just take some NyQuil and sleep through the congestion. That’s probably a lot less traumatic than trying to shop for bedroom restraints on the internet; hitting Google up with a search like that is a proposition scary enough to keep anyone from sleeping.



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