I did a lot of complaining yesterday about being all tired and sore because I spent all weekend playing golf in Louisville in the ungodly heat and then followed that up with a game of hockey. My wife had a pretty sympathetic response along the lines of, “Aw, did my poor Puddin get all tired out playing around all weekend and being free of absolutely any responsibility? Poor widdle baby.”
Well, she actually was much more sympathetic than that, because she’s a good person. But I would not have faulted her if that had been the basic sentiment. I had myself a pretty leisurely weekend while leaving her with four kids, a kiss on the forehead, and “best of luck”!
She’s a brave thing, though, the Puddinette. Had the situation been reversed, I would have holed up in the house with a pile of pizza delivery coupons, a stack full of family DVDs, and simply counted the hours until bedtime each day. Not so my wife. She figured that if I was going to be gone all weekend, she might as well take the opportunity to visit with her family in Louisville overnight for some family fun in the hotel pool and a visit to a different zoo.
For some reason, the kids were much more enthusiastic about her plan than they would have been for my “prisoners in our own home” approach. I can’t imagine why the Puddinette hesitates to leave me with the kids for the weekend.
At any rate, while I was sweating enough to fill a SeaWorld-sized whale aquarium and mis-hitting a tiny dimpled ball into the woods, she was keeping four children from drowning and making sure they weren’t terrorizing the natives in a whirlwind of chaotic exuberance. While I was scratching my head in search of a little ball in the bushes, she was trying to prevent the Puddinpop from climbing directly into the deer pen at the zoo, fully intent on measuring an elks’ seasonal antler growth.
I was having a big steak and a couple of beers when she was praying that The Attitude would finally stop complaining about his accommodations long enough to fall asleep.
I shared a luxurious suite that included a king sized bed of my very own, a separate ante-room with a couch and a desk (plus a free breakfast) with only my dad. She shared one small hotel room with a couple of double beds and a TV she couldn’t watch after bedtime with four kids and her sister.
I had my poor feet massaged with exotic oils and rubbed with the pelts of Egyptian lemurs while being fed grapes as I lounged in a restorative hot spring mud bath. She got to have a McNugget Happy Meal for lunch.
Well, ok, I made that last one up. Still, the basic idea is the same. I spent the weekend mostly free of any and all responsibility. I did what I wanted, I ate what I wanted, and I slept when I wanted. It was glorious, it was wonderful, and it was surprisingly tiring. My poor wife, on the other hand, tried to give my kids a fun, impromptu mini-vacation in my absence and was met with the Trials of Job in the process, including having most of her cash stolen at one point (but that’s another post).
So, I think the Puddinette has earned herself a vacation. I’ll even promise to feed the kids some vegetation if that’s what it takes to get her to go enjoy herself. She’ll never just up and go, though, so does anybody want to take her away from all this craziness for a weekend of fun? Your suggestions are welcome.
And yes, I’ll even spring for the Egyptian Lemur pedi, if that’s what she wants.