Woohoo! It’s Rapture Day, it’s Rapture Day! And not a moment too soon, too; I think there were chores that needed doing and boy, my honey-do list never gets any smaller. So, I’m all prepped and ready. I trimmed up my beard, I got out my finest ancient-looking pair of sandals, and the kids and I made a big “Welcome Back!” banner for, well, you-know-who. Yep, we’re all set.
So, um, when’s this stuff supposed to get going anyway? Is it like Santa visiting on Christmas? Do we all need to be asleep or something before the Second Coming? Man, I hope it isn’t like kickball on the playground in grade school.
I hate being the last kid picked.
Okay, obviously I am having a little fun with all this business. I do hope that no one is easily offended, but then again, if you are, Puddintopia may not be the best thing for you anyway.
At any rate, here it is, May 21. I’m still typing away and I haven’t noticed any obvious disappearances yet. I think maybe the only truly extraordinary thing going on today is that the sun is shining in the Cincinnati area. Trust me, it’s been pretty rare lately.
As for the Rapture-claiming people, I guess I’m a little confused. My understanding is that Harold Camping, who apparently considers himself the Lord’s Mathematician (I wonder if he has certificate for that printed from his home computer?), did some fancy math and determined that May 21, 2011 would be Judgment Day. But in order for any of his math to be even remotely accurate, one has to belong to the literal interpretation club (I bet they a have sweet secret handshake). ‘Literal Interpretation’ means that you believe the Bible is word-for-word, an actual literal record of history. That’s how come we can’t have had dinosaurs: the Bible doesn’t mention God making them.
Now, I’m not going to argue for or against the merits of literal interpretation. It’s beside the point at the moment. What is the point right now is that I don’t see how you can calculate up to the Rapture and actual Apocalypse using dates and days indicated by one’s literal interpretation and somehow completely disregard Matthew 24:36:
But of that day and hour knoweth no one, not even the angels of heaven, neither the Son, but the Father only.
That seems pretty literal to me.
So, I’m not buying it. You know what else? It’s doesn’t matter.
Let’s all say it together: It just doesn’t matter.
The thing is that maybe today is Judgement Day. Maybe it’s tomorrow. Who knows. It could next week, next month, or even tax day next year. Personally, I’m hoping it’s not tax day because I tend not to be the most, um, pleasant on tax day, but I guess that’s my cross to bear (see what I did there?). The key thing is that if you’re a believer in the Revelations-based End of All Things, any day could be the day. And the fact is that it won’t matter if you’ve been warned a week ahead or a month, you are who you are. If you believe in the God described in that book, literal interpretation or not, who one might pretend to be for a brief period leading up to Judgment won’t make any more difference than teenagers trying to clean up a house party before their parents get home.
You never get it cleaned up enough, so you just have to hope they’ll forgive you anyway.
So, no, I don’t think the Rapture’s happening today. But if it did, I’m still just going to be me and hope I did well enough.
I’ll probably do the same tomorrow.