WTF are Irrelevant Reviews?

Someone at work who occasionally reads Puddintopia has been harassing me lately to write movie reviews.  And since I’ve recently been using GetGlue to check in the movies, TV shows, books, etc in my life—because, hey, everybody needs stinkin’ badges—I’ve also been getting the occasional “how was <insert thing here>?” question.

In other words, it seems like people want my opinion on these things, the poor, misguided bastards.

To be perfectly honest, I’m probably the worst critic of anything anywhere.  Why is that?  Well, basically, when it comes to being critical of any creative work, I’m like that girl from high school who set up shop under the bleachers an hour before each football game.  In other words, I’m as easy as they come, almost a sure thing.

For me, whatever the medium, the basic question always boils down to simply, “Was I entertained?”  And trust me, I’m pretty easily entertained.

For instance, I think most of the critical world would agree that the Transformers series of movies were pretty much universally terrible films.  Well, I like them.  Not because they were well-written, had realistic, three-dimensional characters, or solid plots, oh no. 

Truly, they had none of those things. 

The plotlines were mostly head-scratching and had enough holes to make a wheel of Swiss jealous, I’m pretty sure they got Megan Fox’s character straight off the missing persons ad on a milk carton, and the dialogue, oh my sweet baby bunny rabbits, the dialogue.  I get better dialogue at home.  And when I say that, please bear in mind that I’ve got four kids, one of whom is not quite 3.  Much of my evening is spent listening to highly intellectual exchanges along the lines of, “you’re stupid”, “nuh uh,” and of course, the ever-sophisticated, “yuh-huh”.  But at least my kids are honest and aren’t lifting lines straight out of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

Actually, come to think of it, that’d be okay at home.  Kahn is one of the The. Best. Movies. Ever.  Even further, the first one of the puddinlings to quote a Star Trek movie unprompted is getting a free pass to college, spending money included.  But I digress. 

The point here is that using that line from Kahn in a Transformer’s script is more wrong than dressing me in Patrick Swayze’s wardrobe from To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.

I mean, he was a short guy, and maybe a little more…fit than me.  I’m just not going to fit into those corsets.

Where was I?  Right.  My Transformer complaints aside, though, I’ve enjoyed watching each and every one of them.  I have the first two on DVD and expect I’ll get the third one when it comes out as well.  They weren’t great, certainly, but they were fun, full of explosions, didn’t take themselves too seriously, and went down easily with a big bucket of nutrition-free movie theater popcorn.

Most of the time, that’s all I’m looking for in recreational entertainment.  I like fantasy, not reality, and I’ll watch/read/listen to just about anything to find it (when I have time).  Hell, I even tried to watch Battlefield Earth as few months ago.

That was more than even I could take, though.  Poor Travolta must have needed the money for that plane of his.

At any rate, I’ve decided that I might delve into the world of review writing every now and again here, since people seemed entertained by the idea.  I expect my reviews to offer absolutely nothing constructive to anyone, though, since, as mentioned above, I’ve got a fairly wide view of what might make something not bad.

So, there you have it.  Coming soon to Puddintopia: reviews, irrelevant ones.

I’m sure you’re all waiting with baited breath.