In retrospect, it turned out to be a lovely day to be driving in a car for six hours. Unfortunately, my fantasy of a six-hour car ride that concluded in some idyllic vacation spot full of beautiful people cavorting in the sun was not even a feverish hallucination. One can believe in a mirage; good old-fashioned vacation day-dreaming is just playing an April Fool’s Day joke on yourself.
It’s just as well, though, I’m not exactly “beautiful people” material, and I have not to date, nor will I ever, be caught participating in a group cavorting. Had it been an actual mirage rather than just a car-ride day-dream, I probably would have been laughed right off the oasis with jeers of “stick to your data-center, nerd!” It’s bad when you’re mocked by a hallucination.
Honestly, though, the only truly unpleasant part of my drive to the customer today was the fact that it began with an alarm clock bleating at me at 5:30
AM. Just so everyone’s clear on this point: 5:30 in the morning is a time in the day not fit for man or beast. There shouldn’t even be numerical hours for that time of day. The overnight period from 2:30 AM to 6 AM should just start being known as stupid late/early. Think of all the great uses:
Office Guy 1: “How late were up last night, Don?”
Office Guy 2: “Oh, dude, stupid late. I was watching some dumb movie.”
Bar Guy 1: “You look terrible, Steve. What’s going on?”
Bar Guy 1: “God, I am just beat! Julie made me get up stupid early because I was snoring like a freight train and she was pissed that I was asleep while keeping her awake.”
The benefits don’t stop there, either! Imagine being a teenager again, without having to pinpoint your whereabouts to a specific time:
Mom: “Dammit, worthless, unnamed teenage son, it’s 2 in the afternoon. You need to get up and cut the grass! How late were you out last night, anyway?”
Worthless Unnamed Teenage Son: mumbles
Worthless Unnamed Teenage Son who actually arrived home just as the sun came up: “Gosh, I don’t know, lovely mother, I was out stupid late. ZZZZZZZZ.”
Anyway, so I got up at in hind-end of the AM and hit the road. It was a lovely day not to be trapped in the office the whole time, but it sure would have been nice not to spend the hours from 9 AM to 3:30 PM in a windowless manufacturing plant. It was likely being in Vegas, but, you know, without all the fun or free booze.
Oh, and by the way, The Puddinette is expecting. She’s due in February.
Just kidding! April Fool’s!