Puddin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week*

I woke up last Thursday and the very expensive 56″ inch HD television that the Puddinette claimed was my “Life Gift” (i.e., the last gift I would ever recieve from her) when she gave it to me in 2005 was working perfectly. But then she called shortly after lunch and asked why it was making noise and the screen was still black. Through the telephone, from across the room, I heard a loud, bowel-clenching Pop! that sounded very much like someone had poked an over-inflated balloon next to a microphone that was set up and ready for a rock concert. The sound gave me a cold, dreadful feeling inside.

I knew it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

At work, later that day, the Puddinette called me back just as I was ordering a ridiculously pricey replacement bulb for my “Life Gift.” She told me that my mother had gone to the emergency room in an ambulance. She told me it was serious. I wasn’t even listening anymore. I was packing my laptop to leave.

It had just officially become a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

When I got home from the hospital Thursday night, with Mom in the care of my ever-vigilant father and a platoon of intensive care nurses, I sat down to unwind mindlessly in front of DVR’d TV. I’d forgotten it didn’t work, though, so, instead, I sat in the dark and looked at the blank screen. Luckily I couldn’t complain about the kind of crap they put on TV nowadays.

On Friday, Mom had surgery and I spent the day trying to not think about her being in surgery. My new ridiculously expensive TV bulb was delivered, or at least the UPS website said so, but the Puddinette couldn’t find it anywhere. My ridiculously expensive bulb had evaporated; thank you, UPS.

That’s what happens when you’re having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week

Two hours later the neighbor brought the bulb over, and it wasn’t even broken. A half an hour later I had the TV fixed, but then the phone and internet went out. Completely; we had no signal. I called for customer support and said we need repairs before Monday to keep us from having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad weekend. Customer service wasn’t even listening.

We ended up having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad weekend.

On Monday morning they fixed the phone and internet.

On Wednesday night, it went out again right in the middle of writing a new post.

“Next week, I’m getting my internet from Australia”, I said.

Today they fixed it again. But I was fed up with bad service and called to speak to a representative at Cincinnati Bell in Cincinnati, so I could register a complaint about my problems just south of Cincinnati. They told me the best I could do was speak to a supervisor in the Philippines. They weren’t kidding, and I think they had to hire someone because I waited 15 minutes on hold to talk to him.

I told him I was in the middle of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. He didn’t even listen. I’m surprised I didn’t talk to someone in Australia.

The Attitude threw red beans and rice on the floor at dinner and I hate when he throws food on the floor.

When I looked out the window after dinner, I thought our air conditioner had frozen up and I hate when the air conditioner doesn’t work.

I packed the kids into the van to make a quick evening trip to Home Depot and realized my garage door was stuck, and not just stuck but broken.

It’s officially been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.

My mom says some weeks are like that.

Thanks to God and everyone who has been sending her wishes to get better, Mom is still with us to say things like that.

So, yes, the garage door might be broken, but maybe it hasn’t been such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week after all.


*Special thanks and acknowledgements to Judith Viorst and Ray Cruz, author and illustrator (respectively) of “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” Sometimes someone else’s brilliant work is exactly what you need.