Bargain cola justice

The family suffered through day two of house arrest today while I skated my way to work, blissfully free of cabin fever. I spent the day sitting comfortably at my desk, chiseling away at the grindstone, and relaxing with my coworkers at the ever popular Big Friday lunch. Today it was tasty pizza at the Mellow Mushroom, yum! By comparison, the Puddinette spent the afternoon trying to keep maintain her sanity while simultaneous preventing the pudding-lings from killing themselves and/or each other. They had a tuna fish sandwiches for lunch.

I believe the family craft project the Puddinette conceived and helped the kids with today was the construction of a voodoo effigy of me.

When I got home from work, I was greeted with a perfunctory kiss, a slap across the face, and her immediate departure. She mumbled something about going…somewhere…to get something. I suspected she was probably referring to a bottle of low-end vodka.

Okay, so, very little of that is actually true. Yes, by the time I got home the kids all had that wild-eyed look suggesting that the lamps could soon be in danger, and the Puddinette did actually leave for the store. But I forbade her to participate in pre-snow panic shopping, so by today we really did need groceries.

In reality, she said that all was well for the greater part of the day, but by late afternoon the cabin-fever quotient was pretty high. I suspect actually she spent the afternoon silently promising herself that I’d taste bitter justice one way or the other.

It’s the only way I can explain the two liter of Big-K “Cola OH!” sitting on my counter at this very moment.

The thing is that I’m kind of a brand snob when it comes to my soft drinks. As far as I’m concerned, the sun rises and sets on Coke Zero. Pepsi products are all evil because they’re sweet enough to make a group of five year-old girls at a pink princess party cringe and fear for their teeth, and other generic sodas/colas/pops are, well…Just. Not. Right.

The Puddinette has done a marvelous job throughout the course of our married life in breaking me of my brand loyalty. Back in my bachelor days, when a $60 grocery trip for canned goods and frozen chicken would last three months, I was dependent on only Kraft cheeses and Betty Crocker boxed potatoes. After getting married, though, I learned that “Crafty” cheeses and “Tasty Farms” boxed foods were just as good at half the cost.

Regardless of my new acceptance of frugality, there is no substitute for Coke products, Coke Zero especially. In the interest of finding a cost-effective way to stay on the Coca-Cola bandwagon, I even made up a spreadsheet that breaks down advertised prices to cost per ounce. In a mere moment, I can tell you objectively whether 10 for 10 two liters is a better deal than 4 for 12 twelve packs.

And yet somehow there’s a two-liter of Cola OH! in my kitchen, right now, mocking me.

It’s bitter justice, I tell you. Cold, fizzy, cola justice.