Two items of critical significance

It’s Wednesday, and I’ve got…stuff…to do.  So, no enormous rant of rantitude today.  Instead, I give you Two Quick Things:

Thing the Number 1:

Deep in my bones, I know I’ll regret saying this, but…wait. That’s a pretty nonsensical phrase if you think about.  I mean, really, how deep could bones be?  The thickest one in your body is the femur, right?  Which is what, an inch around?  Maybe two?  Seriously, I use to bury G.I. Joes deeper than that in the back yard.  Knowing something "deep in your bones" must be some pretty shallow, now that I think about it.  Suddenly all those wise old dudes in rocking chairs on front porches seem like shysters.

Ok, so let’s start over.  I know I’ll regret saying this later as much as the Oakland Raiders regret that Carson Palmer trade, but seriously, Winter, WTF?

It’s Janurary 11th.  And it’s raining.  Not snowing.  Not dropping freezing rain.  Just raining.  If I recall correctly, Axl Rose never went on and on and on about the "Cold January Rain", did he?  Hell, no.  Cold November Rain, sure.  But this stuff?  It’s BS.  And I’m sick of it.  We put up with your lazy attitude over the holidays, Winter, because hey, it was the holidays.  Peace on Earth, Good Will Towards Men and Slacker Seasons and all that. 

But it’s nearly mid-January now, and I’ve got nothing to look forward to until my birthday in March.  So how’s about a little cold and a few snowy days so I can at least warm my toes by a fire and be the family hero by whipping up hot cocoa and/or apple cider for my frozen-to-the-bone (which, again, freeze easily, because bones? Not thick) offspring after hours of playing outside amidst a gleaming Winter Wonderland.

So get off off your procrastinating posterior, Winter, and get to work.

Thing B:

I remember now why I quit playing video games with much regularity.  Since I’m between hardcore writing projects for a few more days, I nestled into my recliner’s well-formed butt crease last night for an hour or two of Xbox action with Bethesda’s Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (yay, Christmas gifts!).  I sat down at 10:30, expecting to roam around CGI-land for maybe an hour or so before shuffling off to bed to read a wee bit of The Hunger Games – because I’m apparently the only one that hasn’t – and then get a decent amount of shut-eye for once.

Roughly 15 minutes later, my in-game character stumbled out of a dark, spooky recently-cleared-of-bandits cavern, quest booty in-hand, just in time for me to realize it was 1:30 AM.

So that "15 minutes" I thought I’d played was, you know, 3 hours. 

Which means, obviously, some kind of localized quantum time event took place around my recliner.  Because the only other explanation is that I sat in the same place for 3 hours last night, didn’t fall asleep, and didn’t even get up to um, answer Nature.

See what I mean? Quantum time event, totally.  In case it happens again, I’m calling those guys in Europe with the particles to come hang out tonight.

Hopefully they’ll bring some decent beer.


6 thoughts on “Two items of critical significance

  1. Please hold off the need for snow til February 1. We have one more trip to make toward the Arch. Oh, and then we have to get Miss Pink here. No more babies on the roadside, PLEASE!!!!


    1. Mom, you might want to rephrase that. “Babies on the Roadside” sounds like either an MTV show about abandoning newborns or the kind of 80’s bad cover band I’d play bass in. 🙂


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