As I was trolling facebook the other night—and by trolling I mean hitting ‘F5’ constantly in the desperate hope that someone would validate my life choices via status update—someone I went to high school with posted that she’d finally realized that in addition to being not particularly good for you, McDonald’s isn’t really, you know, tasty either. The long and short of it was that She. Was. Done. with the Golden Arches.
This made me happy for two reasons:
- It affirmed my notion that if you’re going to break up with McDonald’s, it’s best to do so publically so that bulbously-red-nosed clown can’t make a scene. I mean, sure, I wrote a ridiculous 1000-word post about iced tea (which is still one of my favorites), but not everyone has a personal website/blog dedicated to inflating their own ego. In such cases (read: for normal, well-adjusted, and not insecure-yet-narcissistic-writer types), facebook is the perfect place for such an announcement.
- The more people seeing the light in regard to Ronald’s lies and chemically mutant food, the better off we’ll all be on the whole. Will there ever be enough of us to make McDonald’s go back to the days of using actual beef without fillers, soy, or other stuff I can’t pronounce? Oh, goodness, no. What are you, delusional? At this point children are born with a genetic predisposition to salivate at the sight of that big yellow M. We’ve bred a dependence on excessively salted fries into the species. Charles Darwin and Gregor Mendel are, of course, rolling over in their respective graves.
Her announcement-via-status kicked off a flurry of ‘Likes’ and comments, obviouly, prompting me to suggest she read my own “Dear John/Ronald” break-up letter. That led to the longest facebook comment exchange I’ve ever been a party to, at something like 30+ comments, as we laughed over the franchine’s sins. It. Was. Awesome. For a brief moment, I found myself thinking that maybe facebook wasn’t a blue-shaded harbinger of Doom*.
Among the discussion was a question about a reference to the McDLT I’d made in my original post. She couldn’t remember it. Being forever happy to share the glories of my freakish memory, I immediately muttered, “To the Googlemobile!”
The search, the results of which you can see for yourself, included a link to this report of the Top 10 Failed McDonald’s Products. You should go read it, if for no other reason than to see the information on the McDLT. Now. Go on. Cliiiiick iiiiit.
No? Too busy, huh? Ok, fine. I’ll make this easy for you. Along with a brief description of the short-lived and ill-fated McDLT, the page includes an embedded video of the worst commercial ever made. It’s one of those things that’s so awful it’s unintentionally hilarious, made even better by the fact that it features George Costanza singing and dancing about a burger. Well, ok, it’s not so much actually George as it is a much younger and significantly less bald Jason Alexander, but still, it’s just plain awesome. So without further ado, I give you, for your viewing pleasure and uncontrollable afternoon giggling, this off-off-off-off-Broadway McDLT commercial from 1980-something:
If that doesn’t bring you a smile and brighten your day, at least a little, well there’s probably just no hope for you.
*Don’t worry, the thought didn’t last.