An Open Post To The CW Executives

Dear CW Executives,

You got me. I am fully prepared to admit it and I’m don’t even feel bad.  I resisted, at first, because I’m a grown-up and have grown-up responsibilities. I have a job to work at and books and posts to write and kids to raise.  The stupid dishwasher still doesn’t empty itself after dinner every night no matter how many eyelash wishes I make, somebody (me) has to wander around my house and turn off all the unused lights because the kids (apparently) aren’t ever actually going to start doing it even if I nagged them a million times, and, well, and if I don’t make time to read every night before bed then I won’t read and that’s a life situation I’m not willing to consider.

So I really really didn’t feel like I had the time to invest in one more television show on a regular basis, superhero or otherwise.

But (you knew there was one of those coming, right?), then the Starlings aligned. At the end of last month, I took a couple of weeks off of work for the holidays and coincidentally had a novel manuscript that needed to cool a bit before I really started tearing into the revision cycle.  Which is to say, I had a few consecutives nights to myself between December 20th and January 3rd, with nothing obligating me to get up at 6:30 AM or any other dark, diety-forsaken times in the morning.

In other words, there was no requirement that I get to bed at a reasonable hour.

And if there’s one thing a nerd without any unwelcome time constraints knows how to do, its how to fit in a good dose of Netlix binge-watching.

Which is exactly what I did most every night from midnight to, oh, 3 AM, as 2014 wound to a close. And that is where you come in, CW Executives. Because you’ll be glad to hear that I devoted myself to devouring episodes of Arrow, one after another, until the wee hours night after night, when I’d find myself, holding the remote with a shaky hand, as I tried to manage the internal debate over whether or not I could squeeze in Just. One. More. Episode. before stumbling off to bed.

(Conclusion: Yes, yes I could).

I spent my holiday staycation gleefully speeding along, devouring episodes and whizzing past the daisies growing along the roadside of my feverish Arrow rampage.

Until it all came to a screeching end. No sooner than I’d watched the last episode of Season 2, I turned to the internet with an unquenchable need to catch up with the first half of Season 3 (the current one), before the show resumes with brand new episodes in two weeks.

And there, my joy turned to dust.

Because no matter where I look or how hard I search, no one, no service, anywhere—not Netflix, not Hulu, not my satellite provider, not your own online CW app, or even Schecky, the unsavory-looking half-elf who lives behind my chimney and records the neighborhood goings-on—offers a way to watch the first episodes of Season 3.  Sure, sure, I can watch the most recent 5 episodes, but that leaves 5 full episodes between where I am in continuity and where I can pick up.  I daresay something in those 5 missing episodes is probably pretty important to the overall story.

Besides, you don’t just skip ahead from Chapter 20 to Chapter 25 when you’re reading a book, do you? Of course not.  Because that’d be dumb.

So why are you making it impossible for me to catch up?

Look, I don’t think you get that you’re shooting yourselves in the foot.  My intention is to watch Arrow (and The Flash, too, now that I’m aware I need to follow his adventures as well), on time, in real time, during their regular, weekly, televised primetime slots. I want to boost the shows’ ratings and (gasp!) maybe even watch your revenue-producing advertisements.

But, see, I can’t, CW Executives, because you’ve restricted what I can watch of the most recent Arrow and The Flash episodes for the current season.  Whatever your theoretical reasoning, it’s just plain wrong, and silly torture to boot. This is worse than giving a kitten a saucer of milk and a plateful of sardines and then swiping it back, half-eaten. 

This is cruel and unusual.

Positively sadistic.

So, please, CW Executives, tell me how to catch up Season 3. That is, assuming you want me to watch your network this year and all.

Which, you know, kinda seems like the whole point to me.