The Most Annoying Fairytale Creatures, A Guest Post By Author J. C. Nelson

[Puddin’s Note: Remember when I wouldn’t shut up about FREE AGENT, a book by friend and author J.C. Nelson that I couldn’t put down? Well, I enjoyed the thing so much, I jumped at the chance to have him throw a guest post together for us. So rather than subject you to my my usual 500 words of nonsense rambling I’ll let him take it away, and get to the point. Please don’t be afraid to like it and share, and by all means, if you’ve got an itch for a fantastic gritty slant on fairy tales in the modern world, be sure to check out FREE AGENT immediately. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200.]

Fairytales are filled with creepy crawly creatures, some of which are relatively humanoid, and others are not, but you can bet, if it shows up in a fairy tale, it’s probably something you wish would go away. So let’s take a look at the creatures we hate to love in fairytales and get a glimpse of why:

  1. Imps. They might start out looking like a little man who can spin straw into gold, but once they have a deal, the claws come out. You’ll need to guess their name while avoiding being eviscerated.
  2. Gnomes. They run the postal service. They’re vicious, destructive, pedantic little bureaucrats hell bent on causing the world misery. What they lack in size they make up for in sheer spite.
  3. Princesses. Marked on their soul, Princesses have less to do with having a crown and more to do with a blessing from the universe. Their charms are impossible to resist, their love-life is universally dramatic, and they’re near impossible to get rid of.
  4. Fairies. Oh, you might be thinking Tinkerbell and friends, or maybe even the fae courts, but the fairies of the Grimm Agency world are creatures with reality altering power and a lust for magic above all else. They could make your fondest wish come true…or your worst nightmare. When the man in the mirror talks back, it’s best to listen.
  5. Dwarves. Kingdom’s resident miners, jewelers, and weapon-smiths, they also practice anger management techniques to ensure a proper level of anger is always maintained. If you need something crafted on short notice, a dwarf will do the deed. Why are they on this list? Because dealing with them is guaranteed to raise your blood pressure and damage your shins.
  6. And worst of all? The creature that causes no end of trouble? Wolves. They’re big. They’re bad. They’re eternally hungry, and generally speaking, they aren’t in a mood to bargain. Anyone in a fairy tale knows there’s the right end of a wolf (the tail, indicating it’s moving away) and the wrong end (the end with teeth). Furthermore, they’re just smart enough to be dangerous, and just dumb enough that you can’t teach them a lesson. Whether you’re a pig or a person, being on the wrong end of a wolf is bad news.

Free Agent has all of these and more, which is fortunate for us but unfortunate for Marissa Locks, agent of the Fairy Godfather. And there are worse creatures waiting, biding their time and planning their revenge…

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A Texas transplant to the Pacific Northwest, JC Nelson lives with a family and a flock of chickens near rainy Seattle.

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