So, the Oscars happened last night

Full disclosure: I didn’t actually watch the Academy Awards last night.  For one thing, I had a hockey game, and strangely, recreational beer league hockey in Northern Ky hasn’t yet affiliated itself with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. surprisingly, then, they didn’t have the Academy Awards on at rink.  Even if not for that, though, I probably wouldn’t have dedicated myself to watching them they way I did, say, the Super Bowl.  Which doesn’t really make sense, honestly, because the Oscars are at least as six-pack-and-snack worthy as the NFL’s “World Championship” game. 

I’m serious, think about it:

Super Bowl:  A bunch of guys dress up and try to win something that ultimately doesn’t really matter and either way you’ll never truly appreciate while people paid to talk, well, talk about how great everyone involved is.  Also, advertisers try to get you to buy stuff.

The Oscars: A bunch of people dress up and hope to win something that ultimately doesn’t really matter and either way you’ll never truly appreciate while people paid to talk interview a bunch of other pretty folks and then gush about how great everyone involved is (well, unless Kanye is around).  Also, advertisers try to get you to buy stuff.

See? They’re almost the same thing!  Like twins or something.  Or at least that sort of creepy couple at the Christmas party that look and act so much alike you find yourself wondering if they’re married or related or what.  You know, like The Lannisters.

The point being, I didn’t actually watch the Oscars.  But I did catch quite a bit of reaction to dang near everything Oscar-related via social media.  I mean, unless you retired to your basket-weaving cave early for the evening or generally ignore TV and have limited your Twitter/Facebook/pinterest/Google+/etc exposure to people who only post about new advances in hobo-tracking or soup can technology, it was hard to avoid the subject.

I fit in none of the above categories, which means I consumed large quantities of Oscar-nalia second hand.  Based on which, I have two comments:

1) Seriously, people, snark is fine sometimes.  But snark just to be snarky is silly and wrong, and devalues all the other, um, useful snark in the world. Case in point: quit making fun of Adele for no good reason.  She’s won two major awards and birthed a human in the last year, while over that same time period I’m guessing you have little more to show than perhaps an epic beer can pyramid or naval lint collection.  So, really, shut it until you’ve done something useful with yourself.

2) Seth MacFarlane was no one’s favorite Oscar host, apparently because MacFarlane did, well, pretty much what MacFarlane does.  If anyone is surprised that he opened with a song about boobs in movies, they really haven’t been paying much attention to the guy’s work.  Really, we should all be glad it was only about boobs in movies.  That’s not to say I thought it was a good plan. I mean, admittedly, I don’t generally have a problem with that kind of thing, but if I’m in the mood for some T & A jokes, I’ll watch Ted* or Your Highness.  That’s not really what I want to see at the Academy Awards.  I’d suggest maybe next year the Academy pick someone to host who’s funny, but not because he or she makes jokes that aren’t so much in the gutter as they are the Don of the place.

Luckily, all MacFarlane had to do was be better than last year’s host, James Franco, and I’m pretty sure Spuds Mackenzie could’ve done a better job than that. 

Well, assuming Spuds was sober.

Which I suppose wasn’t a given by any stretch.

Pud’n

*Well, okay, no, I probably wouldn’t watch Ted again.  But you know what I mean.