A Movie In 100 Words Or Less: Escape Plan


I will probably never be able to qualify, rationalize, or otherwise explain the particular defect in my thought processing that leads me to make decisions that defy entertainment logic.  For instance, how in the world did I reach the conclusion that I didn’t really want to watch Man of Steel again (even though I seemed to have enjoyed it the first time around) but was fine to sit through Escape Plan, a movie where aging versions of Sylvester Stallone and Ahhh-nahld Schwarzenegger attempt to break out of the most secure prison ever built.

I mean, really, haven’t these guys figured out that wacky, fish-out-of-water buddy movies like Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Kindergarten Cop aren’t crazy hip with the kids so much these days?

Well, hip or not, whether a sound leisure-time decision or not, I did it anyway. I threw the Escape Plan Blu-Ray into the player one night last week, and hoped for the best.

So what did I think? Here, have somewhere in the ballpark of 100 words about it:

Escape Plan

I’m a sucker for Rube Goldberg-type devices, so escape/heist movies usually keep me throwing the buttered, salted goodness down my popcorn hole with glee. For a while, Escape Plan did not disappoint. It showed flashes of that complicated/convoluted-type scheming that’s just crazy enough to work and the first two-thirds of it were smart and engaging, even with Sly mumble-grunting his way through it. Act 3, though, was a mess of toddler daycare playroom proportions. The major twists/surprises could be seen coming from 1000 yards away, and the Big Escape Sequence was so “1980’s Action Movie” ludicrous that it shattered my disbelief. In the end, if they’d stuck to keeping Sly and Ahhhnahld’s characters slick-smart rather than gun-toting, Escape Plan likely would’ve ridden the rails all the way to the station. Instead, they turned it into Rambo and Commando Bust Outta Jail, and that was just a big letdown.

So, long story short, it was better than I expected, but managed to disappoint me in the end anyway.  Still, it was definitely worth spending my Thursday night on, and I still think it was a better choice than re-watching Man of Steel*.

No matter how I manage to reach such dubious conclusions.


*which is saying something