Universal Truth Of Adulthood, Number 87: MegaUltraUber Glue

At some point in the course of your adult life, you will—possibly against your will—be required to use SuperAmazeballsHolyCrumbsInsanity Glue to put one thing back into (hopefully) semi-permanent contact with a second, more stationary/stable thing. However, when the moment arrives to break out that tube of uber gel with the adhesive properties so mind-blowing it almost has to be an abomination in the eyes of the Creator, Bob Vila, and even Tim “The Toolman” Taylor, you can rest assured that whatever that one thing needing the glue is, it won’t be a something of reasonably manageable size.

For instance, it surely won’t be as big as a playing card that you just need to gum up to a wall. Nope. It’ll be a smaller thing, for certain.

It won’t be something this big:

And not a something this size, either. Goodness, no, this would be easy to handle:

Even this wouldn’t be impossible. Tricky, sure, but still big enough you could get it stuck to the proper thing without filling your kitchen with words requiring a lavish deposit in the Swear Jar:

No sir, when it comes to needing SuperWackyPsychopath Glue, that sad fact is that you’ll only ever get the chance to use it on something so tiny, you’ll be wishing you had a magnifying glass. You know, a miniature piece of plastic something, kinda like this:

Oh, and it’s not like you get to put that clear adherent witch glue on the largest surface of that tiny little thing, either. Nope, there will be just a wee little part to slather that stuff on, like a contact point or a edge so slim you’d need an electron microscope to see it clearly.