National Disappearing Days From The Calendar Month

novemberSeriously, I’m not entirely sure who’s been feeding amphetamines to Time itself, but the calendar is whipping through days at a ridiculous pace. I mean, waaaaay too fast.  Faster than a over-stimulated toddler after a full bowl of Sugar-O’s, running stern to bow on a Federation starship screeching through the vastness of space at Warp 9+.

Which, I guess, isn’t physically possible, technically, but I’ll leave that for the Einsteins of the world to work out.

The point is, it was, like, two days ago that I was trudging along behind a cluster of overly-stimulated (I sense a theme here), costumed kids of varying ages as they made their way through our neighborhood, trick-or-treating for Halloween.  And by “two days”, I apparently meant three weeks.

How in name of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice it somehow got to the 21st day in November, I’ll never know.

Personally, I suspect Gremlins are involved. You know, those pesky Time Gremlins? The ones that mess with the linear order of space-time? I’m pretty sure they’re how you end up with things like the Nicholas Cage/Tim Burton Superman movie. Plus also, Lawn Darts.

Time Gremlins or no, it’s still the 21st of November.  As you are probably aware, November is the most heaped-upon month of the entire year. Everyone seems to have some kind of month-long thing in November. In fact, my Aunt Edina just sent posted to Facebook today that National Pie Recipe Perfecting Month is drawing to a close, and everybody better get their recipes in for judging or that awful, nosy Nelly Lamston is going to win again with another stupid variation on her grandmother’s bland-ass apple pie.

Okay, so there’s not really any Edina in my life, aunt or otherwise, and I don’t think there’s such a thing as “National Pie Recipe Perfecting Month”. Then again, there’s such a thing as a McRib and I wouldn’t have believe that either, so who knows?  The point is, as if Thanksgiving wasn’t enough already for one month, Election Day in the US is in November, it’s NaNoWriMo, Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month, Epilepsy Awareness Month, National Pomegranate Month, and Movember, which is apparently a thing where you try to rock a porn ‘stache to heighten awareness for men’s health issues, I think. Although I’m not sure how well that “awareness” thing is working out because while I’d heard of Movember before, I had no idea it was supposed to be making me more aware of my health.

For the record, it does, however, do a pretty good job of reminding me how devilishly bearded and handsome I am.

Facial hair aside, my problem now is that I had intended to spend this month doing a daily post about a thing for which I’m thankful. As usual, though, contrary to my good intentions—which are undoubtedly being laid, brick-by-brick, in a road intended to lead me directly to the NetherAbyss of cold, darkness where’s there neither pizza nor coffee, which is my take on “eternal agony”—I sort of, well, forgot about the whole thing.

I am thus faced with a Serious Decision™: do I [A] chuck the whole thing and move on? Perhaps concentrate on finishing the short story I’m tinkering with now, or [B] post a (potentially tongue-in-cheek) bulleted list of 21 Things I’m Thankful For for purposes of catching up, thereby clearing the way for me to finish out this month following the theme?

Normally I’d just flip a coin, but since it’s the month of Election Day here in the US, why not do this democratically? Here’s your chance to tell me what to do, puddintopians. Take the poll and thus command me! You have until midnight PDT to make your voice heard.


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