I would be remiss in not mentioning that the After in question above is clearly a reference to yesterday’s Super Bowl, which is arguably the single biggest TV-watching holiday on the American calendar. Honestly, I think someone should probably just have the NFL file as a religious organization so we can recognize Super Bowl Sunday as a religious holiday and be done with it. Based on the lack of traffic I encountered on the way to work today, it seems like plenty enough people were staying home in observance of Hangover Monday anyway.
But, the Church of the National Football League isn’t the only thing I wanted to mention on today’s Five Things For Monday list.
- If you watched the game or commercials or basically have been paying any attention to the post Super Bowl media, I don’t have anything new to tell you. The Patriots won, but more because the Seahawks lost the game for them than anything else. Pete Carroll and the Seattle offensive coaching staff seemed to have forgotten that you have to Have the Lead before you worry about Giving the Other Guys a chance. With 30 seconds left and down by a score requiring a touchdown, there’s no such thing as a “throwaway play”. Well, unless the play you’re planning hoping to execute is intended to throw away the game. In which case, Achievement: Unlocked!
- Dear advertisers, don’t make commercials about dead kids unless you’re advertising a zombie TV show. Especially, you, Insurance Company I Won’t Name Because You Should Have Known Better, seriously, there are a ridiculous number of ways you could have gotten your point across without making the entire US football-watching and nacho-eating public go, “Maaaaaaaan, buzz kill, dude.” In fact, Ad Companies, listen carefully to my advice here: I might buy your stuff someday if you make me chuckle. I will not buy your stuff if you go fear mongering to the year’s largest TV-watching audience. PS: I think you’ll find today’s helicopter-trained parents are more than capable of finding plenty of things (usually more made-up than real) to be terrified about with regard to their children. They don’t need any more help.
- Good for AB Inbev for making a Budweiser ad that tries to unapologetically sell beer to the people that like their beer. That’s a much better idea than trying to convince craft beer drinkers you can make Bud styles that are maybe, kind of, sort of, craft-ish? (I’m looking at you, Bud Black Crown) But, uh, next time you wanna beat your chest and go “Yeah! Bud! Beer me, dudebro!” maybe consider not mocking the other brands in your multinational conglomerate beer portfolio?
- I have a headache today. No, it’s not because it’s Hangover Monday. It’s because I drink 500% more caffeine during weekdays than on the weekend and every Monday my brain has to send me a reminder that it’s a terrible, horrible, no good, stupid idea. But every Monday, I figure, screw my brain, what does it know anyway? Then I order 800 ounces of espresso.
- This morning, at the American Library Association’s Midwinter Meetings in Chicago, the 2015 Youth Media Awards were announced, including the Theodor Seuss Geisel Award, the Coretta Scott King Awards, and, yes, the Caldecott and Newbery Medals. I’m 110% certain that this presentation is a eleventy billion percent more important than any of the nonsense I wrote in items 1-4 regarding yesterday’s football game. So here’s a link to today’s ALA Youth Media awards, where you can watch the entire awesome presentation while simultaneously making a list of books to read and/or maybe suggest to whatever kids touch in your life in 2015.
Seems like a better idea, at the very least, than That Bastard Insurance Company’s plan of Convincing You To Worry About The Inescapable Death Coming At Children From Every Direction.
Meet you at the library.
Well, as soon as I get some ibuprofen.
And maybe some more espresso.