A single night off, and fixing The Phantom Menace with…baseball

It’s a miracle, I tell ya, a datgummed miracle!  I never thought I would see the day dawn, but here we are:  tonight, after my rush-hour traffic commute, I get to stay home.

Let’s all say that again, together. I. Get. To. Stay. Home.

No baseball games.

No dance classes.

No summer camp sign-in lines.

No Scout meetings.

No Hunger Games-style Reaping to attend.

Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.  Tonight I get to enjoy dinner with my family and then afterward, go absolutely no where for any reason.

I might even put on my slippers and my smoking jacket.

One might think my enthusiasm for doing, well, nothing might be a tad misplaced, or at the very least overzealous.  Oh, it’s not, I tell you, it’s so very not.

For some reason, I thought that when school let out, the nearly daily requirement that our evening be directed at some sort of external endeavor might be replaced with some sort of pleasant summer ritual. Like, enjoying a cold beer on my porch while listing to the Cincinnati Reds on the radio while the sun crept toward the horizon.

Yes, I realize I have neither a sittin’ porch at the moment nor an outdoor radio, but, just…hush.  I’d have worked around that somehow.

Instead, it seems that just about every evening of early summer, the part I like to consider the Firefly Nights, will instead be dedicated to taxiing (not, by the way, at all the same thing as “taxing”, which is what I wrote first) children to and from various and sundry activities.

That’s not to suggest, though, that I begrudge them their fun.  What would a life be without childhood memories of little league baseball in June, etc?  I’m pretty sure that’s how you get evil, crazy dudes like Dexter, Charles Manson, and Simon Cowell.  You need summertime stuff as a kid.

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Especially the baseball.  Baseball makes everything better.

Don’t believe me?  Seriously, think about this: how much better would The Phantom Menace have been if it had dropped all that Trade Federation nonsense and played out like Mighty Anakin at the Bat?  And yes, even overlooking the fact that the poor kid playing young Luke’s father was slightly more wooden than Howdy Doody.  Hell, and even if Lucas still really had to have Jar Jar, he could have been the opposing team’s error-prone outfielder that trips over his remarkably big ears in the bottom of the ninth, allowing Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and the kid to score for the big unlikely, come-from-behind win.

Darth Los Muerte or whatever his name was – you know, with the horns and the devil face paint – clearly would have been the opposing (losing) pitcher.  And then, instead of shaking hands after the game, everyone (of course) would pick up a bat and you’d have light saber duels with them just like the kids have always done to the consternation of coaches everywhere.

Ahem.  Anyway, even as awesome as baseball is, especially to a kid, my point is that tonight, nothing and/or no one is going to ruin my leisurely staying-at-home.

Not even Darth La Mancha.


One thought on “A single night off, and fixing The Phantom Menace with…baseball

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