Huzzah! After two longs months of toiling daily in the word mines, reeking of coffee, weakness, dark chocolate, candy-coating, bourbon, flop sweat, and doom, I have finally, finally finished the first draft of my latest novel, codenamed Project Macaroni. How can you believe me, you ask? Especially as I’m known to make stuff up on a weekly basis. Well! I have a screenshot of the progress bar right here, and that’s almost like statistics, my friends. And besides not only being pretty confusing, statistics also smack distinctively of science.
(PS, if you can’t believe science, there isn’t much more I can do with you but send you to that museum. But then you probably won’t want to come over to my house for Thanksgiving.)
Anyway, the novel is done. I mean, we’re talking stick-a-fork-in-it, pull-it-off-the-grill, garnish-it-with-parsley-and-a-wedge-of-lemon, done.
Of course, at this point, all the usual caveats apply about a first draft. Namely, that it’s currently a streaming pile of poorly written rubbish I wouldn’t make my bird use as cage lining. That is, if I had a bird. I don’t. Too emotionally distant. Our fish do a fine enough job of that all by themselves, thank you very much.
The point here, though, is that many revisions will be needed before even the Puddinette gets to see it. Still, a done draft is a done draft. Which is almost as good as, I dunno, Christmas morning or something.
So! What did we learn while writing this particular novel? Many things, I’m happy to say! But, that’s a post requiring actual concentration and the ability formulate nominal thoughts and translate them into words. Unfortunately, having written better than 16,000 words this week alone, I’m officially tapped out. Seriously, you’d be more likely to get a 10-spot out of your cheap uncle Mort than you are to get coherent words port of me at the moment.
That said, I’d be thrilled to share some personal stats for Project Macaroni. Which is to say, it’s:
- My fourth complete novel
- My second adult genre work
- The longest novel I’ve written to date, clocking in at 104,242 (unedited) words
- Based on a completely new concept, rather than a sequel to something else I’ve written, and
- The second novel I’ve completed since the start of May.
And now, here’s what I plan to do with myself for the next few days:
- Sleep, because I’ve been staying up much too late writing lately, in a press to finish this puppy (except I won’t really, but see: Life)
- Eat All The M&Ms (or at least all the ones I didn’t eat while drafting)
- Drink a bathtub full of beer, since I’ve been behaving myself lately in a effort to, you know, not suck at work-making (except I won’t really do this either because I still have to get up at dark o’clock in the morning tomorrow)
- Have a celebratory dinner (but a reasonable one, i.e., carry out burritos, because, after all, it’s not like the Big Life-changing Event that maybe signing a contract or being elected President of Uranus would be), and
- Watch a movie where stuff blows WAY up and loud and noisy-like, because, yes, I’ve got that kind of time for once.
So I’m going to go do that. If anyone needs me, please contact my assistant, Barney the Angry Circus Chimp. He’ll be sure to forward your message right to me.